Your heart is ever so warm, like a woolly blanket I want to wrap myself in on a cold night.
Sadness doesn’t need to overwhelm in order to win. All it needs is a little corner, perhaps unused and shabby, a visitor that innocently says I’ll be here for a while, when it plans to set camp and forget where its own home was.
Why do people speak in the midst of a breaking?
Waiting for the boom of fireworks, the roar of a thunderclap
By the bedside of possible death, a wave of congratulations
Maybe this is it:
That humans have a softness for honesty
To see truth leave one’s trembling lips
To speak the unsayable because that makes it so incredible
Yet we fear consequence:
The rejection, the disgust, the ardent whispers turned into despicable shouting
We forget that consequence can also have a wellspring of affection:
The leaning of heads, an iron-grip hug, the removing of a dried leaf from one’s hair
We are animated dust kicking up a storm
Leaving sunshine and rain wherever we go
Footprints in the sand eventually swallowed by the mighty ocean
In spite of it all we aspire to be more than just this
We climb mountains, we search for new horizons
Finding for a place or someone reminding us to simply be
A map lost, and no place to return to
Yet one day, there will be a time when you will watch the sunrise reflected in their quiet eyes
Sleepy yawns gently tugging at the consciousness before a dangerous falling in
And when they ask why you have kept your eyes on them this is what you will say:
Once upon a time when no one knew
You defied the odds and became the neglected miracle in the dark
In a world filled with incalculable possibilities we are both here
I thank my God a thousand times for this incomparable moment
Blush they will, or turn away
Yet the sly sneak peek will show your shadow melting into theirs
This confession coming clear in spite of your speaking in the midst of a seashore breaking
Pick up a seashell, more than one
Build small emblems of devotion with driftwood and hard stones
Let them know, let them know, that even as you are playfully carving names in the ground
That their diminutive smile is a compass, mirthful laughter its tracks
A sign that there might be a home to go to
There is so much in a glance
Even as it lies wide open or a furtive sneak
There is so much more
This place, a home it cannot be. Lie on the floor, watch cloaked figures drip toxic smiles from the ceiling. Roll a ball, have it defy the laws of gravity and ascend continually. Cracked lines continue from the windowsill. There is a lock but no key. There are spaces with no door in between. In my going I need not move my feet. Just forget to breathe.
House of cards, make one and let it crumple. Dust gathers even in a vacuum. Handsome one, they call me, ask what goes on in my head. Etched palms and peeling lips keep them all away.
Where do the others go when only one can take control?
How can someone out there know the weight of holding on to more?
Free fall into glass ceilings, let them break forever. Destruction is music to deaf ears. Bite marks on pillows, changing writing, codes abundant. Keep the enemies guessing. Black hole spiralling and stealing all that can be.
Strip down and see. Flesh charred with ink. Which world and who to be angered less, to chase fleeting shadows.
Years pass, and we grow up in ways unexpected.
Even so, by the way the warm sunlight bounces off your face and the crinkle of your inquisitive eyes, I know that I’ve held a love special for you.
I don’t know why I write of these things now, yet maybe I do. There’s been a gap in time, where we’ve spent our lives apart. While we’ve not faded from each other’s thoughts, change has taken one another for a ride.
We’re close, able to speak of many things despite differences. I remember supporting you in the hardest of times, to perceive your strengths when you no longer did, and you’ve had a way of making me try more, to do more. Never did you break me with your involuntary angry speakings, hurt as I may have been.
So have I, for I remain humanly faulty. In ways unintended, I’ve injured you, like the time I accidentally kicked sand into your face when all I wanted was to play. All I’ve ever desired is for you to grow well, and to stay honest, no matter how difficult the journey would become.
Held my weak hand with strong ones you did, through my terrible episodes when the nights seemed forever long. I recall those dark eyes watching me with such caring, a sight I could hardly believe lest I misunderstood. To trust in the tender attention of another is an experience incredible. Sing me to sleep and stories told, simply to battle the rage of my restless heart. Wordless conversations across the room, a little ruffle on the head.
While outsiders prodded at our relations, we remained steady. What more could I ask for?
I’m coming home, and I wonder deeply as to who I will be meeting.
Will it be, that your hair has grown in a new style, or that you’ve gotten new shoes I’ve never known of before? Are there unfamiliar hobbies picked up, or forgiveness to be extended? What have you done in my absence? Will I find in myself still a heart to embrace you?
I remain shy and impossible with fierce expression, yet may it be that in my soul there’s a bravery mustered to know you all over again, if there’s a need to do so. I don’t intend to be like a passenger facing backwards on a train, endlessly pining for what’s already gone.
I promise this in the quiet, where in a world permeated with outrageous displays of affection of loose kisses and meaningless tangled bodies, my pinky finger loops yours.
What does it mean to be here?
6500 miles from the place I call home, I watch the people I care for carry on in my absence.
How long will it take for my love to travel across the seas?
In an age where online shopping is a norm, when everything is answered in a blink of an eye, this question may very well strike as redundant. It’s no longer a question of how long it will take, but how long will it exist.
Here, these are my whispered hopes in the moonlight:
When you find yourself unable to sleep because of pain, remember me. I’m wide awake because of what geography does to the sun and time. I’m catching rainbows while you’re catching stars, we’re watching lights no matter where we are. And we both know that deep down, light has a way of triumphing the dark. It pierces the illusion of fear and melts the shadow of doubt away.
To be here, it might be all that I have. This moment will never come by again. Yet it might be all I need.
This I know: I will hold you, even as we hold on to the God that never lets go.
“Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?”
— Tablo ft. Lee Sora’s Home