Reminders

Paradoxical creature that I am, set on caring for the entire world yet hiding like a timid mouse in the corners of my complicated mind. What is one supposed to do when the heart can no longer handle such a massive amount of loving.

Teach me to stop running when the shadows loom frighteningly large, to accept the apparent favour of another. Please stop my ears from hearing what others cannot.

My eyes, they perceive meaning in things unmeant. Tile floors have shapes and house bricks display signs. As anxiety builds, sometimes the ground rushes up to meet me. And so I fall.

How is it that my ability to function varies so immensely?

Bewildered by beauty, I gave broken pieces and You built me a palace of glass.

You remind me of my inheritance, that the shine of the heirloom on my head is a symbol of Your interminable love.

Lift your eyes, my child, are the words You gently whisper, for often I forget to stop staring at my damaged feet and instead to sight endless glory.

What else can I do, but to always try my best to grasp the depth of Your faultless love?

I am but a child, grown and grown not at all.

I have seen ice and fire, stars and sculptures, sand and earth.

So have I for war and pain, sorrow and loss, death and tears.

My hands grab at the fleeting, they slip and shatter. Leaves wither and paper boats sink.

Is there love still behind a slammed door, or forgiveness possible in the eyes of a loaded gun?

Even so, in the case of the eternal I know where to look.

Footprints beside mine in the sand, filled with the salt of the ocean.

My God’s love and mercy sings me into a blessed sleep.

This is love.

When I was hurting like a flower strangled in a bed of weeds, the God of the universe knelt on the ground and cleared them away. One by one, and light came to be.

I knew then in my heart of hearts a most wonderful and glorious thing: He noticed me. Not just now, but for always.

And surely I will follow Him the same way a sunflower chases the golden sun.

What does it mean to be here?

6500 miles from the place I call home, I watch the people I care for carry on in my absence.

How long will it take for my love to travel across the seas?

In an age where online shopping is a norm, when everything is answered in a blink of an eye, this question may very well strike as redundant. It’s no longer a question of how long it will take, but how long will it exist.

Here, these are my whispered hopes in the moonlight:

When you find yourself unable to sleep because of pain, remember me. I’m wide awake because of what geography does to the sun and time. I’m catching rainbows while you’re catching stars, we’re watching lights no matter where we are. And we both know that deep down, light has a way of triumphing the dark. It pierces the illusion of fear and melts the shadow of doubt away.

To be here, it might be all that I have. This moment will never come by again. Yet it might be all I need.

This I know: I will hold you, even as we hold on to the God that never lets go.