Time

Years pass, and we grow up in ways unexpected.

Even so, by the way the warm sunlight bounces off your face and the crinkle of your inquisitive eyes, I know that I’ve held a love special for you.

I don’t know why I write of these things now, yet maybe I do. There’s been a gap in time, where we’ve spent our lives apart. While we’ve not faded from each other’s thoughts, change has taken one another for a ride.

We’re close, able to speak of many things despite differences. I remember supporting you in the hardest of times, to perceive your strengths when you no longer did, and you’ve had a way of making me try more, to do more. Never did you break me with your involuntary angry speakings, hurt as I may have been.

So have I, for I remain humanly faulty. In ways unintended, I’ve injured you, like the time I accidentally kicked sand into your face when all I wanted was to play. All I’ve ever desired is for you to grow well, and to stay honest, no matter how difficult the journey would become.

Held my weak hand with strong ones you did, through my terrible episodes when the nights seemed forever long. I recall those dark eyes watching me with such caring, a sight I could hardly believe lest I misunderstood. To trust in the tender attention of another is an experience incredible. Sing me to sleep and stories told, simply to battle the rage of my restless heart. Wordless conversations across the room, a little ruffle on the head.

While outsiders prodded at our relations, we remained steady. What more could I ask for?

I’m coming home, and I wonder deeply as to who I will be meeting.

Will it be, that your hair has grown in a new style, or that you’ve gotten new shoes I’ve never known of before? Are there unfamiliar hobbies picked up, or forgiveness to be extended? What have you done in my absence? Will I find in myself still a heart to embrace you?

I remain shy and impossible with fierce expression, yet may it be that in my soul there’s a bravery mustered to know you all over again, if there’s a need to do so. I don’t intend to be like a passenger facing backwards on a train, endlessly pining for what’s already gone.

I promise this in the quiet, where in a world permeated with outrageous displays of affection of loose kisses and meaningless tangled bodies, my pinky finger loops yours.

Hush now, let us feel the silence for a little while. Can you feel the heart beat? It radiates and colours these four walls.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

We are clockwork beings. Gears churning in our busy heads, springs of coiled energy impatient in fists and feet. There is iron running through our veins.

The human time is ephemeral, a root for fear. There is a people scurrying to outlive the countdown, outpace the stopwatch. Herbs and spices they employ, incantations and surgical knives will another seek.

There are three types of people in the world. Those who take deep calculated breaths, or those who are trying to catch them, or those who lose them.

And I am caught somewhere in between the three.

While it can be terrifying to see each person’s motor become undone in due time, borrow a little of that time to touch the silence.

Despite the changing of seasons, even the falling of autumn leaves will make the fearful realise that quiet dance of the clock is one to love.

Listen.

When you ask him if he’s crying and he says it’s just dust in his eyes, believe him.

If you see marks echoed in their palms and their fists remain clenched, don’t pry their fingers open.

When you stand next to her inching closer and find the nimble shadow slipping away, stay.

If you suggest to witness the day end together and he escapes the watch of a sun drowning, let him go.

When you catch sight of the brittle leaves of autumn falling around her like a halo and she disagrees, don’t insist.

Listen, I say. For a time will come when all will change.

You’ll be trusted to wipe the dust from strained eyes, and the hand will loosen enough with a crawl childlike to hold yours. You’ll be gently astonished at the shadow that draws near, and there will be a company of two braving the nightfall. The face that once paled at the sight of death will regain its colour.

Listen, because too many people do the talking and are deaf to the voices that only the biggest of hearts will notice. There will be a time for speaking, but for now, listen.

P/S: And while they change, so will you. Move along even as you press your ear to the ground, for it is rude to stop and stare.

Once, I wrote this for a contest entry. Since nothing happened, I decided that I could leave it here.

In this world, time travelling is a right. It is not a mere privilege belonging to the well-dressed elites. No matter who you are or what you have done, it is a unique situation where implementing this right is as simple as walking through an office door. A specific one. Alongside the fact that as we all know of our typical government institutions, the waiting line makes for cheery company.

Numbers are taken even as one waits in increasing impatience for the special appointment. Feet are tapping, constructing an unintended chorus of tap dancers if one listened close enough. Here, silence is mandatory. No one wants to know why you are here to change something in the time frame. In fact, they would rather not be enlightened in this manner. This unspoken rule befits all.

A newspaper picked up for perusal is immediately dismissed. The state of the economy is no smiling matter and as it happens, yours truly is an entrepreneur in this field. There is no tomorrow, the headline contemplates. What is tomorrow, however? Is the stroke past midnight, or the voice that tells you keep going forward? We live in a sea of ambiguity, with no permanent anchor to hold us. This reckless freedom brings me to a particular attention.

In this world, the number one has not always been the first. (more…)

You were like the ocean, proud and relentless.

There was no mercy for seashells like me.

Time has a way of scaring all those who are tied to it

I am but a mouse watching the shadow of the night flicker by the lampstand

With each twitch I shuddered

Look at me, whispered the flower among the weeds.

The Internet, made into a pet; a toy.

Did the humans not realise?

Without it, I may have never seen other continents. Deprived of it, I will take ages to receive information. With it removed, I would have never known them, him, her or you. And without all of you, who would I be?

People live in the same neighbourhood and never glance in each other’s direction. What more about the people typing these things into space?

We type and write and scream and yell at these invisible walls, but they won’t come down. Once on the Internet, they will never go away. Almost like a dry sponge, it will steal our hours away. Thievery in broad daylight.

Did the humans not realise?

The Internet, a terrifying invention.

Something I wrote, almost a year ago. I’ve already forgotten all about it.

The past, present and future. They are intertwined, laced fingers; but they cannot carry what the other only can. This is as close as they can get. What is one without the other? A party of three they may be, but they are all vital to the idea of existence and its continuity.

A wintry frost on the October-clad doorstep, pattern unrecognised.

Tell me, tell me.

With the end of the year falling in, will it be taken in with open arms?

Or would those open arms signify surrender?

Are you holding on because you want to, or because you’re afraid of who you’ll become if you don’t?

All these questions, framed in ways innocent and disguised.

Glance to the side, watch you walk in my direction.

I wonder, silently, as to whether my feet will gravitate toward you or otherwise.

The earth is moving.